| my batteries? - dead as a doornail |
[Nov. 9th, 2008|11:27 am] |
I know it was cliche
but sometimes there's a beauty in something so visible, so recycled, so engrained in our psyche
I once spoke to an old rabbi in the great southwest
he pointed toward the sun setting over the mountains and he told me this:
"When you go out there you'll see things that few have ever seen; do things that few have ever done. Don't miss any of it. Don't miss a single sunrise, don't miss a single sunset."
it sent shivers down my spine
and it made me think
In my opinion there is nothing more enlightening, nothing more indicative of the cyclical nature of life itself than witnessing the sun rise and set
what happens in between defines who we are
so many amazing things go by unnoticed; it's sort of upsetting when you think about it
makes me squeamish
and so things happen that we have absolutely no control over
and it is their duty to make us feel helpless, insignificant, lonesome and useless
they are meant to humble us, knock us off our high horse, remind us that we're only human, and send us back to our original state.
when all is said and done, I'm only Maz
expendable to say the least
and the world goes round and round
some people call me an observer
I can observe all I want
but the things that really get you down are never what you’re looking at
like when you’re on the ground before you even know you’ve been hit
all the wincing and nursing your injuries won’t do any good
the damage is done
next time watch out
(the balance beam of doom comes to mind here)
but hey, I’m not surprised
I’m the kind of guy who takes advice from fortune cookies
I’m also the kind of guy who’ll live his life based on quotes off boxes of tea
I guess I should expect the unexpected
I dig spontaneity
Just roll with it
That’s what I used to say
Just take what you got and roll with it.
But sometimes it can be harder than it sounds
We rarely know what we got
And sometimes just when you think you’ve got things figured out life will pull an about-face on you
next thing you know you find yourself alone in an empty dorm room transforming the contents of your stomach into the contents of your trash can in the wee hours of the morning
and now for more enlightening discourse:
Have you ever just ran until you collapsed?
there's something about that blissful exhaustion; the aching burn as the lactic acid seeps in
mindnumbing mental exhaustion melts away, replaced by a feeling that makes you believe that you are truly alive
you’re a new person afterwards
It’s the perfect cure for those sleep-deprived eyes
and coffee drenched insides
don't believe me?
you wouldn't |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2008|12:59 am] |
"Destiny is a feeling you have that you know something about yourself nobody else does. The picture you have in your own mind of what you're all about will come true. It's kind of a thing you kind of have to keep to your own self, because it's a fragile feeling, and you put it out there, then someone will kill it. It's best to keep that all inside." -Bob Dylan
So destiny huh?
For awhile I wasn’t sure if I believed all that stuff.
But now after 6 years of frequent pontification, I am almost certain that destiny is real.
At least my destiny anyways… perhaps not in the conventional sense, however.
Is everything planned out beforehand?
Are our entire lives decided for us before we are even born?
Not so much.
I think we have as much a hand in our destiny as whatever it is that decides these things anyways.
Do I believe in God, then, you ask?
Well, you see, I used to.
At one point I bought into all that.
At one point I firmly believed in all that “nonsense”,
Maybe it isn’t all nonsense. There are greater forces at work out there.
But to say that it is an all-powerful “god” is a little too much for me to handle.
I think it’s demeaning to try and give whatever is out there a name. How can you even try to name, analyze, categorize and advertise a concept so immense and so perplexing?
And to say that this singularity created humans in its “image and likeness” is infinitively more demeaning.
It’s bullshit. A concept invented by our ancestors to try and make humans seem more important than any other creature.
Give me a break, the human race, while beautiful in many aspects often proves to be one of the most disgusting, unforgiving and downright destructive forces on the planet.
Why is it that on a bike ride home on a serene summer night all I have fear is other people.
Why do we fear each other so much?
Why are people so mean to each other so often?
The human mind is absolutely brilliant; there is no disputing that. But that doesn’t mean that we were created by a supreme being as his singular masterpiece. I believe there was a great deal of chance involved.
Evolution is the prime example of destiny.
Something so beautiful and complex arose over billions of years… by pure chance! It was bound to happen, but not necessary guaranteed… not because some being out there decided on a whim to created a sentient creature from nothing
Destiny isn’t so much a set path, but a set DESTINATION!
Looking back, who I am now, is so incredibly similar to the person I wanted to be at this stage in my life.
But the path that steered me here is something so unpredictable… I can’t help but think that pure chance brought me to where I am today.
That’s destiny
These are my beliefs.
Like everything else, they are subject to change.
And I don’t expect anybody to read all of this.
Or agree with one word of what I just said. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2008|02:16 am] |
it's been awhile
today i turned 20
so much for being a reckless teenager
what is reck anyways?
ha ha
it's been a crazy 20 years
looking forward to 80 more... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|02:44 am] |
hahaha... i remember livejournal
don't think i forgot
i've been slacking this semester
but whatever, just living life is fun i guess...
...utterly out of money, and completely behind on schoolwork...
i find the challenges rewarding |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2008|11:11 pm] |
i sorta wish i had a choice in all this, but i don't
it's kinda hard to swallow when somebody tells you that they're selling the house you grew up in, and that you're on your own from now on
when did everything become so frustrating? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2008|12:53 am] |
"Destiny is a feeling you have that you know something about yourself nobody else does. The picture you have in your own mind of what you're all about will come true. It's kind of a thing you kind of have to keep to your own self, because it's a fragile feeling, and you put it out there, then someone will kill it. It's best to keep that all inside." -Bob Dylan
i recently realized that where i am today is exactly where i imagined myself being two years ago:
i have amazing friends old and new
i don't live at home but i get along with my family
i'm studying to be a geologist
i still run
i stay in touch with all the people i intended to stay in touch with
i'm returning to my favorite place in the world in a matter of months
it's just kind of creepy how everything ended up being almost exactly how i pictured
but perhaps it's how i got here was unpredictable
sometimes i think i overwhelm myself, trying to be too many things at once
but sometimes i like it
and no matter how many things i try to be, whether i succeed or fail, i'm still me
it makes me wonder if i'm going to end up the way i picture it
i have this vision of what i want to be like as an old man, what i will have accomplished, where i'll live
and it's sad because i'm not sure if this type of place exists anymore, or will it exist by the time i get there?
who knows
i love telling stories
i want to tell stories when i'm older about my life
and i want my life to be exciting enough to tell stories about
so far it has
i think my greatest joy in life is telling stories. if i can go to bed at night and know that the events of that day were worth telling somebody about, then it was a good day, and that's all i can ask for. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 19th, 2007|12:16 pm] |
last night was a nice reminder of simpler times
i enjoyed it |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2007|02:04 am] |
so time really does fly
how bout that? |
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| hard rain |
[Nov. 7th, 2007|01:37 am] |
i think its funny how nobody uses this anymore
i like it for the nostalgia value
ummmm, its been a while since a coherent entry i guess:
i don't know, i think i believe in fate
not necessarily a higher being
but fate
fortune cookies are proof
don't laugh at me for that
these past few months have taught me alot
mostly i guess, as cliche as it sounds: things do happen for a reason
theres a purpose behind everything
and the more i try to deny it, the more it slaps me in the face
so i guess when they told me that if i look over my shoulder i was destined to return, they were right
because i looked over my shoulder almost 6 years ago, and now fate is bringing me back
some might argue this fate deal, mainly me
because i've finally taken control of my destiny
thats right, i'm in charge now
i don't want trivial things controlling my life anymore
and that's that
i'm leaving this summer
why?
well, i have my reasons
mostly i wanted to test fate
but i do need some time to myself
tonawanda has forged me as well as the suburbs can
but i've been itching to try and free myself from these rooftops, traintracks, backyards, and frisbee fields
it will feel good to leave for awhile
but have no fear, i'll be back
hopefully with a better grasp on things than i have now
so i have alot to be thankful for right now
i have been given quite a few second chances
i'm taking one of those chances with me this summer
next time, i'll take the other second chance
odd fellows anyone? |
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| ghosts of the past |
[Nov. 2nd, 2007|07:19 pm] |
today i fixed something
it took two years, but now it is done
good day |
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